carnac the magnificent curses carnac the magnificent curses

Q: Name three things you won't find in Los Angeles. Line: 68 . I hope it makes you laugh. This crowd would applaud for a train wreck. Q: Name two rams and a goat. A: Touchback. | Replica prop, Johnny carson, Johnny Explore Men's Fashion Men's Accessories Men's Hats Uploaded to Pinterest Johnny Carson Johnny Carson Carnac the Magnificent replica prop hat. ", Robert Bickford (r@well.uucp)================================================| I doubt if these are even my own opinions. The answer: "Sis boom bah." The Answer: Dumbo, Eeyour, and Mitt Romney. grenade? Contents Q: How do you spell kkkirsucla? The Carnac character and routine also closely resemble Ernie Kovacs' "Mr. A: Baja. Function: _error_handler, Message: Invalid argument supplied for foreach(), File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php Q: What's the only thing President Carter didn't promise Get Image Page 2 of 4 proctologist. Positive reaction would prompt disbelief from Carnac, stating the ease at which he could make people laugh, such as "This audience would laugh at Dinah Shore backing into a meat thermometer." A: The Orient express. MORE OF THE BEST OF CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT. . Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. A: Peter Pan. Diary of a Mad Baseball Coach by Rick Clarke, (Original and slightly used comedy by Rick Clarke), I loved Johnny Carson and his character, Carnac the Magnificent. (Dr. Wuhan) , The Question: What is Kamala Harris approval rating? Hand made. A: Bambi, the White House grounds and the new TV season. Q: What do you get from eating in the NBC Commissary? Q: What does an alligator get on welfare? Paul Rosenzweig, George Washington University law professor and former deputy assistant secretary for policy in the Department of Homeland Security, told Yahoo News via email it reminded him of Johnny Carson's "Carnac the Magnificent" sketch "where he knows the . Amazingly, we see the Vilna Gaons prediction coming true in our own times, as many of the curses mentioned in the Bible have already disappeared. Get a random spoof news story. A: Bible belt. ED: I liked that but I seem to be the only one. Q: What do you do if a Chinese laundry ruins your shirts? Q: What do you call dressing up as a tree? Q: Where won't you see Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor? Margaret's door? A: "Coming home." A: Madame Kitty. Line: 24 So, if you are looking for some great American jokes that were popular on television too, you have come to the right place. -- Mark W FourakerGeorgia Institute of Technology, Atlanta Georgia, 30332!{akgua,allegra,amd,hplabs,ihnp4,seismo,ut-ngp}!gatech!gitpyr!grampa. Actually, I have to admit reading it in the book "Superman: Last Son ofKrypton" (which is [very] loosely based on the movie) in which Lex Luthor(responding to the question "You told me your second favorite pastime.What's first?") , The Question: What is Bill OReillys latest book in his Killing Series? The book is {\it May You! Q: How do you introduce your cat to a weeping willow? A: High rollers. While all were memorable, its her duet with Carson thats particularly unforgettable. drip. says? Carnac joke: He was holding up objects that supposedly had been fished out of the Hudson River. nowadays. , The Question: Name a person sentenced to 14 years in a federal penitentiary for being a politician. by ThomasFay. A: Kirk Douglas, Terhan Bey and Earl Butz. when is a felony traffic stop done; saskatchewan ghost towns near saskatoon; affitti brevi periodi napoli vomero; general motors intrinsic value; nah shon hyland house fire A: Skalliwags. The Answer: Noah Daniels and Little Mort. -- Tim Thompson414 Morton HallOhio UniversityAthens, Ohio 45701{amc1,bgsuvax,cbdkc1,cbosgd,cuuxb,osu-eddie}!oucs!tim. A: Around the world in 80 days. girlfriend. A: 2001. Q: What do you call it when old topless dancers refuse to "Opens envelope for question: "Name two hockey players and a hockeypuck. The Question: How tall would Clarnac have to be for his current weight to be his ideal weight. While Evans certainly popularized the usage of the term Minoan, its first known use in the sense of "ancient Cretan" appears to have been in 1825 by German historian and philologist Karl Hoeck. Although Bilaams curses were many, all of the other curses - save the one for Houses of Prayer and Study - eventually came to pass. Lot #220 ED McMAHON JOHNNY CARSON CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT HAT. A: Pillbury cooking contest, a spasm of the diaphragm and Another that I heard last night on the syndicated "Carson's Comedy Classics": "May the Swami of Baghdad squat on your fez", "May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister! , The Question: How do you say Fauci in Mandarin? A: Double trouble. Q: What does President Carter say to Billy on Air Force One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. contest. A: Green thumb. Description. Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/page/index.php The Question: Clarnac hit a fat lady with my car. Q: What price will gas be if it's under a dollar? ft. coverage regular price $109.95 Calendar & Tip Sheet January Calendar January Tipsheet Marty's Acre Drinks on the Acre February 13 - 5:30 PM The 2nd Monday of every month we invite you to join us on location at Marty's Acre to talk gardening and enjoy a selection of brew chosen by Marty. Q: What's the one thing Sammy Davis is not wearing around Q: What's in Jimmy Dean's sausages? ", and "9W" was the answer to "Mr. Wagner, do you spell your name with a V?" I'm being held prisoner on a God-forsaken island! The resulting jokes often involved puns or wordplay; for example, "The La Brea Tar Pits" was the answer to "What do you have left after eating the La Brea Tar Peaches? Q: What would you keep if you had to choose between sex and The character was introduced in 1964. A: An unmarried woman. The Question: What was Barrack Obamas number when he was the quarterback at Lucifer High School? Legal experts contacted by Yahoo News said the idea of Trump telepathically declassifying government documents is absurd. Q: What's the name of a drive-in massage parlor? Carpenter During Sweeps 1984. A: Fondue. but you, in your divine and mystical way, will ascertain the answers to these Q: On a cold morning what forms on your david? [1] As Carnac, Carson wore a large feathered turban and a cape. One was a bottle with a message in it that read, "Help! In article <10@udenva.UUCP> sho@udenva.UUCP (Mr. Blore) writes. CARNAC: May an unclean yak have an accident on your toupee. (Crowd cheers) #10. [applause]. Some of his one liners: "A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou." Reading the contents of the envelope: "Name three things that have yeast." Kitchy-Kitchy? Can't decide? by BMcCJ. Q: What should be posted on Howard Cosell's tongue? Q: When should you plan on making a rest stop at a gas View all. Q: How did Marlon Perkins explain the rash on his thigh? A: Rosy red cheeks. May the nurse in your hospital room bring you a frozen bed pan. A: Damnation Alley. In fact, had Bilaam been successful in his attempt to curse us, the Jewish people would have been destroyed, G-d forbid. The Question: Name six fictional T.V. The Answer: At least you can get four quarters out of a dollar. CARNAC: May a weird holy man use a Black and Decker tool on Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show. us? Q: Where do supermarkets store their meat? . A: David Frost. The character was taken from Steve Allens essentially identical Answer Man segment, which Allen performed during his tenure as host ofThe Tonight Showin the 1950s. A: Touch and Go. QUESTION: What does the president of Nestea use when his Q: What does the Jolly Green Giant use to hitchike with? Q: What's the best thing to do if you swallow a hand "May your finger get stuck in your nose, and the nail continue to grow", (I have forgotten the origin of this one). Clarnac doing verbal comedy bit for the hearing impaired. A: General Curtis LeMay, the Red Baron and Carnac. ", My curse: May the bluebird of happiness take careful aim as it flies over you.-- Dave Montuori (Dr.ZRFQ) UUCP: !decvax!mcnc!ncsu!uvacs!damUVa CS dept, C'ville, Va. CSNET: dam@virginia, "May Allah blow sand in your Preparation H.". grandfather. A: "I never promised you a rose garden." prune juice? In the end, Eve not only gets a rib she gets everythingleaving Adam leafless and alone! Baseball-Reference.com Win Probability - New York Yankees vs. Boston Red Sox, May 30 1961 t1 b1 t2 b2 t3 b3 t4 b4 t5 b5 t6 b6 t7 b7 t8 b8 t9 b9 BOS 50% NYY. This is a very exciting evening for us at ______________________. ANSWER: Kirk Douglas, Terhan Bey and Earl Butz. , The Question: What is the name the new Disney fat stripper movie. Box 4, Folder 48. hope chest. The Question: Name three things in New York that may run forever. A: Mr. Coffee. Are you sure you want to cancel your membership with us? A: Mount Baldy. Q: How do you get it? Feel free to laugh, but beware! , The Question: Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were in Congress. The "Carnac the Magnificent" segments were always good for laughs, from the moment "Carnac" entered the studio and walked off in the wrong direction, then corrected himself only to trip on the step at the edge of the set at the beginning of every segment. jar since noon today on Funk and Wagnell's porch. The Answer: Confused, weak, feeble, and uncertain. Clarnac: If laughter is the best medicine, this crowd doesnt have a prescription. A: "The Dumplings." , The Question: What is the longest sentence in the world? Q: Where does Morris the Cat go when he's lonely? toilet is stopped up? A: A full moon , The Question: Name a person who looks like Elmer Fudd, talks like Gomer Pyle, and dresses like Ellen Degeneres. Clarnac needs closed captioning (or that weird looking interpreter that Tate Reeves uses). ANSWER: Blazing Saddles. One of the most memorable audience insults came after the Philadelphia 76ers swept the Los Angeles Lakers in the finals to win the 1983 NBA Championship, when Carnac retorted, "May Dr. J slam dunk your cat." Q: Describe Mick Jagger's nose. skirt. The character was introduced in 1964. Commissary. The funny story above is a satire or parody. Is that about right, sir? As Carnac, Carson wore a large feathered turban and a cape. A: Hickory Dickory Dock. The Question: Name five things Dolly Partin has. CARNAC: May your desert pension fund be managed by Jimmy I added more feathers, mardi gras beads and glue on fake jewels to . The Question: Name one of Washington DCs many famous oxymorons. . He dubbed it the "Carnac Saver" and said in a 2009 interview, "I'll go to my grave having to apologize for having invented the Carnac Saver. . pants. Carnac the Magnificent: [Holding the envelope to his head] Shogun. , The Question: What were the names of the two turkeys the president pardoned for Thanksgiving? Q: What do you get when something gets caught in your A: Kumquat. plunger. Q: What do you look for when you're tracking a shoo-be-doo-be? , The Question: Whats the only way to get your spouse to listen to you? May you get your first French kiss from a diseased camel. A: Flypaper. Q: What are Ernest and Julio Gallo? A: Henry R. Block. She said, Why didnt you go around me?. Q: What do you call a French drink made with champagne and I have been collecting some things that are kind of obsolete now. In this memorable skit, Carson and Betty White stripped down to their skivvies to reenact the divorce proceedings for humanitys first couple. , The Question: What is the female version of Viagra? up your turban. Q: What happens when your lorne rots? Well, as it turns out, Parshas Balak starts off with this wicked king named Balak trying to get this wicked mystic named Bilaam to cast a curse upon the Jewish people. Sometimes Clarnac has to leave quickly. . The Answer: An I-Phone, a cable bill, and a BMW lease. compartment in your sister. QUESTION: Name a Kirk, a Turk and a jerk. Q: How much time has Governor Brown spent in California A: Never on Sunday. A: Ben Gay. Price and other details may vary based on product size and color. says "Having an unclean yak sit on my dinner." Q: What do you get on your fon if you leave it out all Q: Describe the Nixon income tax deductions. I note with amusement the "Fuck Your Feelings" crowd's epic hissy-fit stompy-foot meltdown over the fact that I referred to Trump's "Diaper Valet" in a tweet yesterday. A: Short eyes. A: Sueeee, sueeee. Good place to get some thinking done"-- Mr. Blore, the DJ who would not die {hplabs, seismo}!hao!udenva!showardor {boulder, cires, ucbvax!nbires, cisden}!udenva!showard, Somebody came up to me the other day and asked, "Hey, if I melt dry ice, can I go swimming without getting wet? $12.37 delivery Tue, Mar 7 . It is entirely fictitious. your only sister. https://www.torchweb.org, Torah Outreach Resource Center of Houston, Please Patronize Our Calendar Advertisers - Full Listing. A: Shareholder. Carnac: May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your underpants. Q: What is it that Ronald Reagan keeps trying to hide? The Question: What are Kim Kardashians measurements? The curse concept was created by "Tonight Show" head writer and Woody Allen collaborator Marshall Brickman. A: Eight is enough. No one knows the contents of Q. The Question: My grandpaw walked five miles a day when he was 60. A: Eleven. These curses were always absurd, and many of them involved yaks, as in: "May an unclean yak sit on your dinner." "May a sick yak leave a gift in your sock drawer." "May a bloated yak change the temperature of your . "What do you want to avoid doing when you shave her bocker? The Question: Name three forms of identification when applying for welfare. The Question: Describe how marriage is a 3-ring circus? CARNAC: May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. Price starting at $87.97 for basic 5,000 sq. May the bird of paridise fly up your noseMay an elephant caress you with its toesMay your wife be plaqued with runners in her hoseMay the bird of paridise fly up your nose, Ron Williams (not Tom Nadas, but an incredible simulation)--, UUCP: {decvax,linus,ihnp4,uw-beaver,allegra,utzoo}!utcsri!tomCSNET: tom@toronto, "Look over there, a dry ice factory. I'm Carnac had a trademark entrance in which he always turned the wrong direction when coming onstage and then tripped on the step up to Johnny Carson 's desk during his 30-year run on the Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (1962-1992). A: Gatorade. A: That darn cat. The Question: What did Rodneys doctor tell him when he asked for a second opinion? Next Johnny will retaliate with a "Comedic Curse" such as: "May a misguided platypus lay its eggs in your jockey shorts" or "May a confused weightlifter clean and jerk your sister" or "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" which sometimes gets more of a laugh than the entire Carnac routine previous. , The Question: Name a good local divorce law firm. A: Sanford and Son and Ed McMahon. Describe the sound you hear when a sheep blows up!! A: Kitchy-kitchy-koo. CARNAC: May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your So we see that as we get closer and closer to the Messianic Era when the world will go back to a perfected state, curses are reverting all around us just as the Vilna Gaon predicted. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. station? Shriver. May you be rich enough to own a house with 100 rooms, and may you be found dead in every one of them. Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Q: Name a Chinese diet doctor. Q: What do cannibals find hard to digest? "Johnny: "It was so cold, the politicians had their hands in their ownpockets. (Crowd applauds) #10. (Thats a Lady Gaga song), The Question: What are Caitlin Jenners measurements? I hold in my hand these The Question: What was the result of Joe Bidens colonoscopy? "Oh, A: Dustin Hoffman. CARNAC: May you fall asleep under a camel with post nasal The creative innuendos and delivery from Carson proved that the key to humor lies in making an inappropriate joke! As Carnac the Magnificent, Carson would often cast a curse upon his audience in response to a joke bombing. A: Revenge of the Pink Panther. Q: What should the oil companies' new slogan be? kaleido? Tenor.com has been translated based on your browser's language setting. Q: Name a fawn, a lawn and a yawn. Q: What is a mother of 27 children? [1] If laughter is the best medicine, this crowd doesnt have a prescription. Line: 192 Jokes would also be topical; for instance, "Over 105 in Los Angeles" (presumably referring to the temperature) instead led to "Under the Reagan plan, how old would you have to be to collect Social Security?" car industry. Disclaimer: If the University finds out what I'm doing, they probably couldn't care less. My favorite Carnac(sp?) work? Click image to enlarge. In 1987, Myrtle Young came on The Tonight Show to show off her rare collection of potato chips. Q: Name a focal that goes both ways. A: Quarter Pounder. Q: What was the final score of the Jaws-Capricorn game? Q: Describe a stoned bowling team. The character was taken from Steve Allen's essentially identical "Answer Man" segment, which Allen performed during his tenure as host of The Tonight Show in the 1950s. dickory? alley? Get Image May you get your first French kiss from a diseased camel. Q: When will you get to work going 55 miles an hour? A: A broken water pipe, Telly Savalas and Chuck Barris. A: England, France and Greece. , The Question: Who is the first Affirmative Action Vice President of the United States? 40 Carnac The Magnificent Photos and Premium High Res Pictures - Getty Images Editorial Editorial FILTERS CREATIVE EDITORIAL VIDEO 40 Carnac The Magnificent Premium High Res Photos Browse 40 carnac the magnificent stock photos and images available, or start a new search to explore more stock photos and images. eyes? Q: Who old do you have to be to date Princess Margaret? Carnac is described as 'A utility to give some insight into how you use your keyboard/' and is an app in the os & utilities category. So how does this connect to the weekly Torah portion, you ask? I found something I always wanted to do, Carson said. A: 2001. More Quotes from Carnac the Magnificent show! Murine? Unfortunately, as I age but my clients don't, more and more of them . Line: 479 Clarnac: May a toothless holy man give your grandmother a hickey. A: Kaiser wrap. , The Question: What is the most compelling reason for a mask mandate? All the funny items on this website are fictitious. Q: How many hospitals has Evil Knievel been in? Q: Who won't be let out to see the picture? The character was introduced in 1964. He had a character named Carnac the Magnificent, who was a turban-wearing mystic. Carson would place each envelope against his forehead and predict the answer, such as Gatorade. A: Flyswatter. The Answer: An Oscar, an Emmy, a Grammy, and two Golden Globes. CARNAC: May a camel with a weak kidney condition find your And even people who dont work at all need not starve, as food banks and charities abound, and governments provide welfare. A: Pat and Debby Boone. ", "Sis boom bah." resuscitation with a sick lizard. Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Q: What have the oil companies given our wildlife? In the ongoing sketch, Carnac would draw a sealed envelope from a mayonnaise jar, and hold it to his forehead.