And they both say that you're over and done with me. As parents, it's important to stay calm and resist the urge to blame our kids or anyone else, really for our emotions. Praise does not help bring up children who have an internal belief in themselves, of self-worth. You: "I have so much to do and not sure how I am going to get it all done.". Like Im only worth anything just because Im making money? Since first publishing this piece, I've spent many years thinking about, and discussing, why children might like to hear their parents say "I'm proud of you". Proud Boys celebrate President Trump's callout to them during debate. What someone else does might make me proud to be his or her friend/teacher/partner/whatever and thats exactly how Ill express it Im proud to be your fill-in-the-blank. ( Or even what youve done makes me proud to call myself your ____). By the fifth repeat of the painting, the response from him mother may quite different from the first. Because this was someone elses idea. Positive reinforcement is a powerful tool that can help to encourage and motivate people. Dont just thank them, you can reply with some cute responses to let them know that youre proud the same as they are. May these Proud Quotes On Success inspire you to take action so that you may live your dreams. 4. Our children need to know that we believe in them, that we trust them, that we support them, that we love them, that we acknowledge them as individuals separate from us. Go To Homepage. 4. But, the real credit goes to you and you only! But this seems less common. When you respond to Im proud of you with gratitude, youre reinforcing the positive behavior that you want to see in yourself and others. So happy for us! As in, he's purely attracted to your appearance. Is your partner proud because they can now be associated with a high achiever? 2. Get your facts straight. the person who says that is actually talking about themselves, not about me, and by saying that is drawing the recognition away from me towards themselves. Interesting perspective. I was an ambitious student with a goal to attend university, which my father completely supported. If Your Partner Ever Says These 20 Things, You Should Break Up. Thank you for starting this. He may not have expected you to be qualified for the job. What does it mean when someone tells you that they are proud of you? They often tell each other they are proud of one anothers achievements and they all know its genuine. We laughed a lot and re-lived some old memories. My native language is not English, but I have fallen into the unfortunate (for somethings) of social netwoks, like facebook. If someone calls you boring: "Yeah, and what makes you so exciting?" Nothing,. I think we need to invent another word for that wonderful feeling in our own chest when someone we care for does something they feel proud about and we agree that they should feel proud. Tell me something else, Ive heard this at home. "This isn't easy, but you did the right thing." Sometimes supporting a friend and letting them know you're proud takes the form of helping them cope with a difficult decision they made. Thats the response I was expecting from you. B Blue Apple Senior Member I am livid because a couple of arrogant, condescending people who had been known briefly, posted, We are so proud and impressed, on a stinking FB page, I do not use FB, etc. Yes, I'm sure you've come across "me too" in such situations, but it's very often ambiguous, or sounds arrogant. When someone says Im proud of you, they are expressing their admiration, respect, and gratitude for something you have done. Wondering where that may be coming from. Here are seven possible ways to interpret his compliment. When someone insults you, the first thing you want to do is take a pause and a deep breath. Well also discuss the power of words, the benefits of responding with gratitude, and how to show appreciation to others. The first time I remember hearing it said to me (though I'm sure there were times before the instance I'm describing . 4. 12. But I would also add another category: people who know you well *because* they have worked with you and even for you for a long time. How often do we utter this common parenting phrase, in moments of pleasure at our childs latest achievement? Do you really think this had a lot of positive impact on many children? "I had no idea". The proud feeling transcends from child to parent. Just let them be. Aw yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, thats what we are going to share in this post. Although its worth taking a mental note of that in case a pattern does develop. I think the phrase Im proud of you is insulting, for the reasons noted above. Consequently I now cringe every time I hear the term being used out of context . posted by aimedwander at 4:27 PM on May 17, 2015 . It can be something big or something small it doesnt matter, because the phrase is used to show their appreciation for your efforts and accomplishments. But I want to let you know that I accept you whether I agree with you or not, and I'm committed to working on our relationship so we both feel . For doing what Im supposed to do? I got into a conflice with her sons girlfriend because this young woman was working in a store behind the til and had made a gross error in punching out my cash register amounts on my bill and I had to go and confront her to get a refund as the store owed me about $50 due to her errors. . Id have fallen over from shock if I ever heard it from anyone in my family (& still would!). Which brings me to my next point. God knew just what we needed when He gave us you. What do they perceive - when a parent (or teacher) says "Im proud of you"? It may not display this or other websites correctly. I believe you. Its 10 years later, and I hope that, by now, you have told your children, if you mean it, that you are proud of them. Immune Response. Can "me too" be used here? The Mindset of the Ambitious Educational Elite, Thinking Clearly about a Persons Substance Amidst Stylistic Differences, On Intentionally Vague, Mystique-Infused Explanations of Talent, Book Notes: Lost & Found by Kathryn Shulz, Mindfulness of Consciousness Meditation Retreat. Im happy that youre with me in good and bad times. Everything you do is with excellence. You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father's desires. But worse, my friend thanked them. Posted articles do not constitute advice or recommendations. A friend persevered in getting her masters degree after running into academic trouble as an undergrad. A person receiving this praise could also feel belittled it could feel as though their achievement was unexpected - a surprise to the other person. I think its about the underlying meaning of these words to a child. But what does proud mean? I dont think there is a neutral position. They may start to see their parent as being insincere, or even manipulative. Thanks. It means that in their eyes you have come a long way from a place you began. Refresher workshop for P.E.T. Patricia Velasquez. You have always been there for me and our friendship is something that will never go away. You are asked at the cocktail party what you do. She said yes and then she said she wanted to go with me. Granted that in many relationships, Im proud of you would strike a patronizing or otherwise false note. Knowing someone is proud of you, is indeed one of the most rewarding feelings in the world. 11. I am still so mad, but I havent said anything about it. Try The Behaviour Window. With teens and adults, saying "I'm proud of you" is a bit different. It makes a difference I think. Why is your manager taking credit for the work you put into the report? So as you can likely see, when people say they're "proud" of someone else's accomplishments, they're really saying they are entitled to some honor or credit in the accomplishing of those accomplishments; and when people say they are "humbled" by other people recognizing them for their accomplishments, what they really mean is they . ), Partner: "I'm proud of you for landing that job", While you might understand that your partner is being supportive, might you also feel a bit miffed? The phrase "Im proud of you" insinuates that the speaker (parent, teacher, co-worker, boss) has more experience, or power, or in some manner has the right to pronounce their opinion, on someone elses effort. My boyfriends ex, posted a im so proud of you on a photo he posted: something he achieved. Want to Change the Way you React to Your Children? Look him in the eyes and smile. But, seeing youre proud of me, Im fine. Plus, they also express how proud they are, when you do something special for them. Lovers often feel proud when they see their beloved in action. This will help to build your self-esteem and will help you to feel more confident. For what? Imagine this: Four-year-old John shows his Mum a painting he's just done. Try these new and funny excuses to ask for money from your parents or your family. Friend: "At least you have a job or daughter.". On Wednesday, a Proud Boy leader, Joseph . Briefly, some difficulties include: Four-year-old John shows his Mum a painting he's just done. "Nothing is ever wrong. I can make it possible only because you give me hope. Last week, I went back to my college homecoming without my wife. But arguing about what words mean is pointless- meanings vary. Proud" as praise - an external judgement of someone elses achievements. I have always seen it as, Ive been there, done that, and think you have done it too.. And do you really mean that you are damned impressed with your friend for her achievement? You shouldnt be. Its obviously a powerful word. I am proud of them for being like this with one another. Gun owners are more likely than non-gun owners to know someone who has been shot (51% vs. 40% of non-owners). A 2017 analysis of 2012 national data from the US, showed that parent behaviour could have a protective role in a their child's mental health. Youre the most amazing parents and thank you for believing in me. She is an accredited and highly experienced P.E.T. It's important to remember that the power of words goes both ways. Ive been lurching between How can you be proud of someone elses children? but then challenging that with But then as we do both have a close relationship with her we probably have had some influence on how shes turning out . This topic came to mind because I recently saw a friend / mentor and told him about a meaningful professional accomplishment. He gets a "that's nice". Its my feeling that I should only express pride in something Ive accomplished. Aw yeah, yeah, yeah. How come you didnt come to watch this match? Please contact info@parentskills.com.au for further information. They seem to make him quite happy. If you're more than a friend it's more loving. In these instances, simply saying "Wow" (and meaning it) will let them know you're proud. As a friend I want you to know that I am so proud of you. 10. Let me tell you why. Now whether its romantic or a deep friendship is a different question. When you respond to Im proud of you with gratitude, youre also taking advantage of the power of positive reinforcement. If this is the case, then of whom is the parent really proud? I think I instinctively recognized that the balance of power had somehow been upset, but couldnt put my finger on it. If you care deeply for someone, it is entirely possible to share the sense of pride that they feel in THEIR achievement without your hijacking it in any way. Try either "I'm happy for you!" or, what I find more accurate, "You bring me joy." "You bring me joy," communicates the sentiment nicely. 24. You would have to know the whole story. I thought who gave you the superiority, you seem to be giving yourself for my accomplishment My friend didnt understand. Thank you for always being such a supportive partner. And why should I stop using this phrase? PJ, I think your ex still cares for you so your accomplishments evoke pride in her. Like I wasnt doing enough before? But this will be seen as an overreaction. Im proud of myself, too. After the game I took her back to her car, gave her a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. Rather than the child feeling respected for their efforts, they may feel patronised, put-down. No. Especially when you get to hear this from your parents, it means they're happy to see you grow up the way they raised you. Take the compliment, give her a big hug and a kiss and tell her "I'm proud of myself as well" and "Thank you". Is it a parent speaking to a child, for instance, or a friend to a friend? This is a very interesting discussion for me. 14. 0. Similarly, if someone tries to imply a mentor relationship by telling you, Im proud of you, its like a bad parent trying to claim the rights and status of a good one. Might as well as them to stop saying yall or bless her heart.. Children whose parents constantly say "I'm proud of you" may grow to be adults who rely on other people's opinion of them for validation. Now, John may hear "I'm disappointed that this is the same picture. Im proud of myself, although saying it out loud doesnt make it better. I have a one year old boy and a two month old boy, and I had my first day back at work yesterday. Your partner is really happy about the achievement that you have made in your life or career. What, do you really? And you get to benefit from them regardless of the outcome of your relationship. Better Responses 2023. Again, these phrases are my evaluation of my childs effort. I think the internet and social media have eaten her brain that she would not only allow their @#[emailprotected] clueless comment to remain public, but that she thanked them? However, is this what happens? Well, that means they're impressed, happy, and overjoyed with what you did, achieved, or say something. But what exactly does this phrase mean and how should you respond to it? When you respond to someones words of admiration with gratitude, youre showing that you value and respect them. It may be a taunt from them to do something unusual. Its powerful. Saying, Im proud of you, is a great word and its an expression from the heart. I'm so much proud of you for completing your graduation and wish you will succeed in every . 1. She was very rude and grouchy with me and reluctantly corrected her errors after I asked the manager to get involved. These two simple words"I care"can mean so much to a person who may be feeling like the entire world is against them. 13. 1. Keep believing in me, I will make you proud more and more. We learn from every step we take. Its just a colloquialism for way to go or awesome sauce or good for you! No one means to be condescending or imply they got you there in some way. For me, this was a huge take-away moment. Because of this, it might feel awkward to say "I'm proud of you" to a friend or colleague, even if you mean it. But, when you want to make your responses more effective and special, these are some good ways to do it. You should always be proud of who you are imo, and if that includes your nationality then that's fine. I know Im a couple of years behind, but was thinking about it this morning. Make sure to take the time to think about how you want to respond. 16. Proverbs 16:18 Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before stumbling. 2. Updated: Dec. 11, 2020. Date TBA. Last Updated on February 28, 2023 by Ketan. 20 of the Best Encouraging Words that Hold any Caregivers Up 06 "Tim, I keep wondering what Dad would say if he were alive right now. 9 Focus on Them When Praising Them PeopleImages / Getty Images An acquaintance commented on a recent Facebook post I made that he was proud of me and immediately I felt so mad about that but couldnt figure out why. But, what would be the better ways to respond to I am proud of you other than just saying thank you. I teach high school. But if someone says this to you, without further explanation, then it means that you are not a priority to them, they have other things that they are doing. Had I ever thought about the meaning behind these words? You are happy they are an ambassador for you. That proud phrase didnt bother me at first, but the more I thought about it, the more I began to wonder, what does she mean when she says shes proud of me? Probably no big deal but would be interested in input from others especially other females. Tell Them You Care. One of the most common phrases they use to express their feelings is Im proud of you. but not the p-word. It is arrogant. Image used under license from Shutterstock, research suggesting that parents saying "I'm proud of you", protective role in a their child's mental health, Should Children And Parents Be Friends? You're not necessarily the expert. You are taking joy in someone else doing good. Thanks, buddy! The child has done well enough for the parent to bring out the big guns the proud word. He may not have been able to think of something better or funny so he settled for that. I dont care that I had to hear it from a video-taped personage. But who are you to affirm? And now, that you have the other responses to I am proud of you, you can share the same based on whos saying this and after which event. until recently when a Goddaughter won an amazing internship, beating 2000 other applicants, and her other Godmother put a message on Facebook saying how proud she was of her. Show your appreciation for their words and use your response to create a positive and constructive environment. The important piece is if they are genuine in their caring (and have been consistent, contrary to the parent that was never there but then feels pride). What are we trying to say or do, when we innocently, and with the best of intentions, praise our children with "Im proud of you"? But to be proud of them? Proverbs 29:23 A person's pride will humble him, but a humble spirit will gain honor. Even if the other person's words and/or actions seem reprehensible, try to be as . You must log in or register to reply here. But some of us never heard the expression in our lives till we were adults. 5. So tell them it feels like you are bothering them. I was damned proud of her for overcoming this setback and told her so. What is BBC Future? Next course: We hope to run a face to face course beginning in early May, 2023. Yea, Thank you is not the only response. An FBI witness says that members of the far-right Proud Boys had hoped to assassinate Vice President Mike Pence and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi during last week's violent storming of the U.S . We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? "Be proud of your scars. 15. For what? Most of the time, having pride about someone else comes from a place of superiority. Ive told you that, youre going to feel proud of me. Approval is different to acceptance. I realized that I needed to open myself up to friends and partners as well. Is it OK to respond to "I am proud of you" with "Me to", "So do I", and "I am too", and "I am proud of you too"? I guess after receiving the compliment, I felt that he was patronizing me, because I have only had my parents or teachers say they were proud of me. Here I would say something like, Youre so talented!/Thats brilliant! . Thanks! With the best of intentions, we want to let our children know of our pride in them. Thank you all, too. Specialized in marketing, with 'communication' as a favorite subject, Ketan P. is a head writer at 'Better Responses'. As your friend I want you to know that there is nothing I wouldn't do for you. This will help to create a bond between the two of you and will strengthen your relationship. There are alternatives to praise and saying "Im proud of you", and they include: I consciously have to stop myself from saying "Im proud of you". Use thirty phrases to say "I'm proud of you" to make the special person feel good and empowered. (Of course, there are always people who try to suck up to youbut hopefully you can see through it!) They may find it difficult to take pride in who they are and what they have achieved. Its very presumptuous. They just say it. So, lets get started! 10. What a surprise! Encouraging children and others to be proud of themselves is healthier. Thats why its important to take their words seriously and to respond in a meaningful way. From that day on, I felt like I couldnt really trust him, and now I know why. We had a really nice time. When someone says they are busy, it could mean that they are busy. Also, as bilabial says, I like the recognize traits he values in himself, like his thoroughness and carefulness. As if Im mentally retarded and reading a book for the first time in my life, and hoping to get a cookie and a star sticker. Never downplay the way you feel about someone's abilities and effort. I think children want simply to be accepted and respected as themselves. Marilyn, My life changed the day I heard Mr. Rogers tell me he liked me just the way I was. Usually friends say "I'm so happy for you" or "Really nice job!" One man said, "I am so proud of my partner when we are at receptions together; many men are around her wishing to make love to her . Most of the time, to be proud of someone means you know where they've been and how far they've come pride is a word about growth. Give yourself time to process your reaction to something before jumping in with a response. 1 y. In fact, whenever I hear this phrase from a colleague, I immediately understand that this person in reality is envious of my achievements and the phrase Im really happy for you in fact means Im very unhappy that its not my achievement, that you and not me is getting the praise/ promotion/ degree/ lottery win, I hate you for that and I wish I was in your place right now. Ive had multiple people tell me theyre proud of me like my parents, grandparents, elders but it just doesnt mean anything to me, I dont have any emotional response from any of them and my response ends up being ok or yup. Yes, I think this is why my friend, even though older, was proud of me, I felt was being presumptious to put herself above me. Im so happy to have you in my life, thanks! ". Because we ran into a bunch of other classmates that were also there, we didnt spend time exclusively with each other but we did sit together at the game. Later in life, after having been to university, but not knowing what I really wanted to major in and which degree I wanted to get (prepped for teaching career, but not convinced it was the right career for me), I stopped my studies and took a good union job, which at least paid some bills and gave me teh good feelign of earning money. They may continually search for praise from their bosses, their co-workers, their partners. "I know you have a lot going on . Don't disguise it as concern, either. She reciprocated. My boys are all each others fan club and its marvelous. Second, this very fact helps explain why we resent it if the praise comes from someone who isnt viewed as a mentor. I use the other terms like Im so happy for you. Required fields are marked *. Talents Compliments. If you want to reply saying you're proud of the person saying he's proud of you, the only correct answer out of those four is "I'm proud of you too". A: It's not necessarily wrong to take pride in our work, of course; if we don't, our work will probably end up sloppy or incomplete. I admire your ability to ___________. I agree with you: its sad that he did what my parents should have done. "Always work hard, be honest, and be proud of who you are.". Is the childs achievement actually a reflection of their parents achievement? How Do I Tell Him I Like Him The Best Method (Proven), What Does It Mean When She Calls You Daddy, Im so glad that youre proud of me. Benjamin Franklin Positive, Forgiveness, Respect 985 Copy quote I avoid "well done" or "good job" for all the reasons Ive stopped saying "Im proud of you". A very concise and articulate post. ), belonging to my close friend, on her business page. It says, I love you so much that YOUR accomplishment can make ME feel pride. She texted back that I make her smile and that shes proud of me. February 18, 2023 There are people who interpret life as if it were all about a fight of egos. And guess what? Move away from the source of your negative thoughts. 3. Fascinating post in two regards. But I believe that spouses say it, and siblings. Its a way of saying I see the hard work youve put in and I appreciate it. "Im proud of you!" We can all have slightly different interpretations of words which if not careful can start a war! You have overcome something you may not had confidence in yourself to succeed. Future Planet. Youre the first person who is happy with it. To try to sum this up, I mrried and ended up in a small, isolated village filled with people who either did not graduate high school or barely achieved that level of schooling. Rather, relationship skills where we communicate respectfully by listening, by positive I-Messages, by problem solving with our child, will help ensure our children feel connected and valued, and provide our children with a sense of emotional safety. Well cover some of the better responses you can give, like thanking them, making them feel special, or making them laugh. Thanks. 5. Lets see where we can go with this. 1. Use words that will strengthen your relationship. Her future mother-in-law (my friend) told me later she was proud of me. Those of us who were brought up around this attitude are understandably wary of the phrase, and likely to avoid it. . This is why we say, I am very happy for you! They are the one to feel proudit was THEIR accomplishment. 2. 2. First, he is probably higher status / higher power. On the one hand, you're thinking, "He says I'm amazing," and you know he's not wrong. . The same trope appears in many childrens movies (Babe, Mulan)is there anything more important to a child than their parents love and approval? By Ben Collins and Brandy Zadrozny. 7. 2. I live about 200 miles from the old college & she lives in the same town as the college is located. So - when a parent says, "Im so proud of you", is the parent taking the credit for the childs accomplishments? ), Seven Thoughts to Help You Parent Peacefully, Hints on Maintaining a Harmonious Household. Were brothers, dont you forget that! Larissa is passionate about the skills taught in Effectiveness Training. We all have people in our lives who make us feel special, appreciated, and respected. I still think she was doing this at the time. Don't remind them how far they've come. This canstop the development of their own, "You look really pleased with your effort". There are some super special and engaging responses you can give when someone very close to you, says that theyre proud of you. When someone tells you that they are proud of you, not only are they impressed by something you did and who you are, but they also want others to know it. The Psychology of Bragging. First, there's physical attraction. Family Tree. Thats something for a parent to say or a parental figurebut only occasionally. When we avoid the phrase Im proud of you, we allow our children to be their own person, to grow to their own potential - in a relationship of mutual respect. He may understand you have daddy issues and need a masculine pat on the back. . Thank you. You are using an out of date browser. A good friend of mine, who has had a tough life, has just written and published her first book. The rest were manual labourers. You might say: "I'm so proud of you for trying to quit smoking. 3. Hearing those words can make us feel seen, understood, and appreciated.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[970,90],'howdoirespondto_com-box-4','ezslot_3',180,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-howdoirespondto_com-box-4-0'); Its important to remember that the power of words goes both ways. If there is a mentor relationship, fine, but when the relationship is supposed to be about equals, It makes us feel seen, understood, and appreciated. Feb 10, . It got me thinking, "How many people could send me that sort of email?" After reading these posts, I think the following: a person will feel pride in anothers accomplishment when they feel deeply connected with the other. Can't you do something different?" To say you're proud of someone is to say that you can relate to them and, if in their shoes, you would be proud of the accomplishment. said Christopher Robin. I was irritated by that remark. 8. In other words, I care so much about the other person, that their accomplishment can evoke pride in ME. Renew your PET skills; complete the full course over flexible times; or one-off parenting sessions. I dont know that you provided a litmus test, but the article acted as such for me. Its really a way of saying I am really the one who is special, Im the boss.and what it deserves is not thank you but rather, well kiss my ass you condescending bastard..get a lifethis proud of you nonsense is also related to people who have to say WELL GOOD FOR YOU when doing something mundane..like, someone catches me reading a book in publicoh, you are readingWELL, GOOD FOR YOU!! To be proud of yourself for your success is one thing, for another is to be proud, they had better have seen you come up through the trenches to witness that moment or to have been involved in the process. Whoever those people are, they are probably your mentors. You could feel annoyed and put out. Who put in the practice in order to win that tennis match? This has always happened, but in a context like the current one, in which both rivalry and appearances are highly valued elements, it is very common for this class of individuals, educated to become this way, to appear.