In my opinion, even if the baby turns out to not be his, hes already shown his true colors; and theyre pretty yellow. I have been trying to have a rational conversation with people unfamiliar with reason. I get unsettled and frustrated whenever I see my ex girlfriend's photos on Facebook with her boyfriend and pictures of the ultrasound of their baby. Because guess what? Im pretty sure the guy is being called scum because of his shitty attitude towards the pregnancy and the unborn child. First, if you cant live without someone, why did you need a break? Yes, its shitty. Gain some maturity and realize that you have no part in this decision, shes decided to keep the baby, shes the one who will be carrying the baby, raising the baby, etc Grow up LW and dump him. The system you propose that if conception is not by mistake and if the man does not decide early on that he doesnt want to be responsible, then he should be obligated to that child is the craziness system ever. silver_dragon_girl He did help create it. I think we can all agree that the safest thing for men to do is to simply masturbate alone, while wearing a condom. iseeshiny They dont see the need to lie about it, Meanwhile, my friends and I who havent gotten HIV all (surprise, surprise!) And dont worry, my sons will have the good sense to stay away from your daughters. She didnt rape him. So, in your opinion, anyone who has sex without wanting to get pregnant is an idiot?. Not sure what it is now, but when I studied it in college the chance was about 1 in 10 (if you had unprotected sex with a known infected person). Even if you wore a condom. Are you kidding? I showed up late to the hot debate in the comments (damn you work lol), but to put this in perspective for me, I was born to relatively young parents and now at 25, my dad is a few years older then this gem of a man in this letter. Its not exactly the same by any means, but similar enough for me to have thought it. This dude barebacked some girl, knocked her up, demanded she abort, and then said he wouldnt take responsibility for his child. A Happy Life The laws are unfair because they arent designed to be fair to the PARENTS- theyre designed to work in the best interest of the innocent child that didnt choose to be born. landygirl Thats a dudes view. Everyone knows it. Please. Problem. Consider that this child should be the most important thing in his life, more important than you. And because a mans physical committment to the pregnancy ends after coming, the woman gets to make the call. Step away slowly. Some said he deserved the label because he exposed the LW to STDs. Imagine lending your new car to a friend who led you to believe they just needed to make a quick run to the Piggly Wiggly, only to have them return it to you totaled after having taken it on a weeklong bender in Vegas. A guy does have every right to tell her look, Im not ready to do this. Move on. My takeaway from this is that men should never have sex unless theyre sterile or want to have children, and even then they should never have sex unless they plan to never have sex with a different person in the future because there is absolutely no way to avoid all sexually transmitted diseases aside from the complete lack of sexual contact. I think theyre unfair in the same way that I feel its unfair to prevent women from having abortions, but thatss beside the point. Steve Kellmeyer Story. The child support goes to support the child. Whose idea was it to take a break anyway? Im surprised that so many people here are assuming that just because a guy has sex and gets a girl pregnant, he undergoes an immediate 180* like a Sim changing their clothes and becomes a devoted, excited father-to-be. By that logic, virtually every dude on the planet is an idiot. I dont think the LW can handle a relationship where another woman has her mans child. Of course there are the people who assert that others have no right to an opinion regarding birth control, abortion, or other actions. But even though I led you to think I didnt want to become pregnant, Im going to keep the baby and thereby obligate you to two decades of child support, is, while totally within her rights, still a massive breach of the pre-coital understanding, express and implied, between the parties. Respect her decision. Iwannatalktosampson Sleeping with someone so soon after a breakup? Rachel, I have a child in the same situation. What the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. But, you allowed him to call and you were hoping he had changed. While we both made it, I wanted it and he didnt. at risk of STDs. However, I dont think it sounds like hes ready or willing to settle down with either woman. You add nothing to the conversation but name-calling. We . They dont want to have spirited logical debate, they want to vent and lash out at people. Not me. LW, your BF impregnates another woman AND you think that you are entitled to an opinion about whether she should keep her unborn child? I agree with all of this. Its very clear that you care a great deal about the quality of your childs life and emotional well-being. Even if shes annoying, shes more than a hole for him to stick it in, and it would bother me to know my BF had just used another human being as a glorified masturbatory aid. You know as well as I do that the law is gender biased in effect in not in letter. Any male after the onset of puberty can make a baby. Stop going backwards. Ive seen malarky thrown around quite a bit in this thread. April 10, 2012, 11:45 am. let us know if he had). The fact that you are even considering getting back with this guy right now blows my mind. How on earth do you propose to make any of this even for everybody, including the child? That is the point when an intelligent person makes their decision. Make Ford. Thats true, but by the same token, wait a bit (a few days or at least a full conversation) to see if you can get along with someone on a basic level before jumping into bed with them. Sounds like its coming out of the starting blocks with two strikes against it in the gene pool department. Typical female (notice I didnt use the word woman, because she isnt grown up enough to be one) wants to control every man and every bank account around her. And John, be real for a moment, and honestly tell me you jump in on a number of issues here and not to just defend your brethren who you perceive to be under attack. Its 100% ok if you cant or dont want to be in that situation. Then how does the woman get off require the man to do it? All magically on the pill? He cant be irresponsible and fail to take every reasonable effort to avoid pregnancy (doubling up on BC and using condoms, getting a vasectomy, or only having sex with women he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt also do not want to bring children into the world), and then act surprised and angry when it happens anyways. Id be more concerned with him having unprotected sex with someone HE just met. You know the risk youre taking when you do the deed. 6napkinburger The guy and the woman had sex. Apparently the LW couldnt trap him either since they broke up. Oh I agree that its a bad idea, but still a choice to be made individually. Dream about Boyfriend Got Another Girl Pregnant indicates spiritual renewal and healing. Not only was she on the pill, but he wore a condom! female SweetsAndBeats iseeshiny You are too funny John. I think hes scum because 1.- he asked the other woman to have an abortion and 2.- now hes mad that she didnt. Because women are always unfairly saddled with the burden of child birth, we will always be the ones who make the choices about whats going on in our own bodies. And he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. I know plenty of women who are exemplary parents. Women this means the pill or condom or whatever. And, in fact, there is arguably no way for the woman to actually be 100% certain of her final attitude prior to becoming pregnant. In order to build trust, the person must be trustworthy. So, this man had sex with a women while he was unattached and not under any commitment, and that makes him scum? It doesnt matter how nicely you do it. But I would not for one reason other than the fact that trusting him again would be difficult to do (and that would IMHO b. When someone else makes a decision that massively affects my life for the worse and disregards my preferences, it makes me angry and frustrated. I dont care. If he doesnt want to have children that much, yes, he should be the one to do everything to prevent it. The court considers the psychological effects on the child before ordering support. Not necessarily. Your welcome. April 9, 2012, 3:49 pm. Some of the best advice my mom ever gave me way back in the day was Listen. April 10, 2012, 12:00 am. Which is funny, since weve been telling right wingers that all along. bittergaymark Then, again you seem a tad immature so maybe you deserve each other. And whether you think its fair or not that the woman gets the final say on whether to abort or not and the father has to live with that decision, it doesnt matter. But I think shes tried to trap him and hes untrappable.. Weeks. I'm devastated and broken. The letter writers bf is furious at the woman having his child. People in healthy relationships dont say that. I always thought that had to be a mutual decision. There were no hard feelings). Yes, he should have realized this was a possibility. Well, maybe not your life, but your happiness and security do depend on it. However, RR, Ill assume that every time youve ever had sex, it has been with someone you wanted in your like as a co-parent and that it was at a time in your life that a child would have been welcomed. Besides, he made that choice a long time ago when you broke up the first time. He was not tricked into having sex with her without protection. It doesnt even come close. Terrance Dean. The fact that a child is adopted does not somehow guarantee the theyll be cared for. People have told me-on the "adult" forums-that I speak aggressively", but I don't mean it that way. Im happy to have found a father in my father-in-law, who has really become the dad I never had in that he loves me, supports me, listens to me, and even spoils me, haha! Surely you know that So if you want to hate women for having child support, why dont you hate the men who skipped town. I hate a society that even makes this an issue. Thats why I kind of went to the extreme with the whole Threw some money thing. the thing is, he has a 4 yr old daughter. At this point, its an easy thing to resolve this without decades of support and animosity. Its interesting how none of these comments address that he SPECIFICALLY said that he would have nothing to do with his own child. She is sovereign over her own body. Dee S. Advocate Men cant choose to abort because biology dictates that the fetus is not in their body. These two ideas cannot be simultaneously true. Because she accidentally got pregnant with his child? April 9, 2012, 4:59 pm, FancyPants slept with someone else. But he SHOULD want to be involved in his childs life. April 9, 2012, 1:49 pm. He also didnt say fine, Ill support you financially, but really I dont wanna be a dada. He said that he would obviously pay but wants nothing to do with the women or the baby. Seriously? But you were split up for 2 months and cant bear to live without each other yet he didnt waste any time jumping into bed with someone he barely knows? April 10, 2012, 5:59 pm. For anyone. Susie is on birth control but they still discuss what names their eventual children will have. It says there is no child at conception. Ive grown up better being raised by a loving, supportive mother who wanted me than by two parents who didnt want to be together, one of whom readily admitted he wasnt ready or willing to be a father. I think that the thing to keep in mind is that the angry ranters are really just a very vocal minority. Exactly, so if knowing this you still choose to proceed with anything that could result in a pregnancy you have no one to blame but yourself if you become a parent. He didnt marry you. At the time, he said he would wait years for me - until he could be with me. But still. Anthony Leonson Fyrebyrd2 reader, Lisa Belize+, writes (22 September 2009): A (And a hint- if your boyfriend is as much of a mess as this letter makes him seem, its not- no matter how much of a mess you are). Or that the person youve known for two minutes and are now having sex with is being honest with you about anything. So again I think you are making it seem like he treated her like a human being, and talked about this rationally, but really, he was pissed at her for having his baby, threw some money at her, and told her to never come back again. April 9, 2012, 11:00 am. Again, no. If you were driving your car, and looked down at the time, and hit the child would you ask the parents of that child to not report you to the police, because its also there fault for letting there child run in to the street? That base of support is crucial for serving the child best. Its frustrating, but until then, there simply isnt much she can do. As others have said, she could have been on the pill and he could have used a condom and she still could have gotten pregnant. Im not implying anything other than exactly what I wrote. It seems like you would be even more concerned about this when sleeping with someone you are non-monogamous with. April 9, 2012, 3:33 pm, bittergaymark Men and women have control over conception on the front end of the decision- and a woman is stuck with the pregnancy. I almost lost the fingers on my right hand from it. Theyre young but are certain that theyll be together forever. He said he still loves me and that he didnt love her, and it was a mistake. I get what youre saying. Those are very different things. Dude, thats seriously out of line. We are so in love with eachother and are with eachother all the time. Its such a heated issue, because everyone knows someone that has some sort of baby-mama-drama on one side or the other. door to door service. And should. You pack of hypocrites. Ummm hes scum because he abandoned a woman he impregnated. My only real advice is along the lines with what the other posters have already said. April 10, 2012, 10:14 pm, if a man has sex with a woman, they should be prepared to pay dearly for it for the rest of their lives. We still cant quite manage partheogenesis or budding. Please help. Ever. She has to go through a pregnancy no matter what (assuming she doesnt believe in abortion). A woman who is raped is stuck with the agonizing choice of getting an abortion, or carrying a child to term. There are unfair aspects of the whole legal and biological reproductive system for both men AND women. And lo and behold, thats exactly what youve gotten. Just feeding on each other and leaving a trail of human wreckage in their wake. I think he was just really scared, and alot had changed in a really short matter of time. There was a single picture of my ex-boyfriend, his then-girlfriend, and their first child. Fourth, this woman should run, not walk, from this dude. People surely arent calling him scum for not taking responsibility, because hes apparently going to provide support. We have been broken up for a few months but have remained friends and in contact. That happens. Bottom line. These people are the REAL zombies.. landygirl It doesnt sound like shes ready or willing to deal with him having fathered a child, especially if he changes his mind and wants to be a part of its life. ha, Ive done too many drugs too. And no it shouldnt be just the womans responsibility that the bf just met if she decides to not have an abortion or give the child up for adoption. This whole thing could have been prevented that way. It can pick up cells from a previous ejaculation, but peeing flushes them off. Not your wallet, not your choice. I had no idea most women hated it. You sound awfully bitter to me. Iwannatalktosampson Continuing along the lines of what John Rohan said above (maybe way above, because Im at work and my reply will take some time to type surreptitiously): The LW and the guy broke up. If this happens, he STILL should not be welcomed back. This was even more of a scandal in a small town in the 70s than it would have been today, but she decided to keep the baby. However, since the pregnant ex of the LWs ex seems to want the child and seems to know the guys take on it, it is apparently her decision to bring a child into that reality. Id confirm that hes actually the father. Cowards who abandon responsibility when they dont want to deal with it dont make good partners. April 10, 2012, 5:49 pm. How about getting to know one another really well before having sex? In the future, if I should ever have the desire to date again I would use condoms in addition to birth control to make sure I dont get diseases. Whatever happened to you to make you hate women doesnt have to mean a lifetime of whiny bitterness. what if you were pregnant, LW scenario thats been mentioned). As a woman, you have control over that. reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2008): A If they dont want to be taken, then they should think before they poke. I brought it up, that if *I* was the girlfriend, I would be bothered by this, in addition to his behavior post-conception. You have to be mature and know what is best for you. LW says they were separated for two months. 4. stop stressing so much.many children are born under worse circumstances the guy and his ex its their problem to solve not yours. Ok, lets say he has the right to have as much unprotected sex as he wants. I agree people who are dysfunctional should not stay together for the sake of the kid it will just make things worse. A month after we broke up, she started a new guy. This attitude that men become slaves the instant a girl gets pregnant is actually very crazy, in my opinion. He didnt expose her to STDs. What kind of person he got into a new relationship with. April 10, 2012, 5:54 pm. If you were having a good communication way with him before, you can found out that he got another girl pregnant before you were dating. But, in that case as well I would have told the woman to make sure in the future she better protected herself. The fact that the courts have found that men should be obligated to support mistakes is motivated by a desire to secure the welfare of the child. If she did not use protection with him, or ask him to get tested when they got back together, that is no fault of his, imo. This desicion has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. He didnt. Their choice, honey. Hes an idiot either way. While I realize that this is a stressful situation, your letter indicates that you will always harbor resentment for this child and this woman who will be in you and your boyfriends lives FOREVER. Instead, the LW seems to validate and support his furor, demands of an abortion, etc. April 9, 2012, 2:45 pm. Thats fd. I am curious what RR will have to say after some interesting points being made after her comments. Because thats really not that old. April 9, 2012, 10:00 pm, No, I actually think that of us effectively use condoms Most of the dumb idiots I know that knocked girls up all thought they were safe because they were told all was well, Im on the pill PS. Dont force him to be. Thanks for the clarification. And he shouldnt, either. In my experience, both men and women tend to blame their romantic competitor for everything, no matter where the fault lies (have you ever seen the Jerry Springer show?). This guy sounds like scum. Mother hits hard times and ends up going on either Medicaid or Temporary Assistance/Welfare. By clicking Subscribe Now, you agree to our, Find out why Dr. Sherry has this message for this scorned woman: You are being played with a capital "P!, The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages. April 10, 2012, 9:40 pm. She says she thinks shed like to keep it. Steve- The law doesnt say theres no child at conception. We ended up keeping in touch for months and talked about working things out. And thats why I wouldnt want anything to do with him in the first place. Furthermore, what adult man refuses to have a relationship wit a child he conceived. And not because he deserved it for having possibly unprotected sex. It was her choice. Unless youve been there, you dont know. Really!? the manchild gene!! Not that she had the audacity to get pregnant after sex but for keeping the baby. Now, I suppose, you could argue that my gay friends are more careful because death is probably a bigger inconvenience that a child you dont want and most likely wont really give a flying fuck about anyway But no, seriously Apparently many straight people are just too dumb to use a condom correctly. We decided to get back together as we cant bear life without each other. As for you LW, Im not even sure exactly what youre asking. So, if you insist that men create children, or even assist in such a thing, you are some kind of slimy pro-lifer meddling in the affairs of independent women who need men like a fish needs a bicycle. It was definitely his decision too. You were on a break, not even completely seperated from the relationship, and he clearly has some space in that undying love for you to have unprotected sex with a stranger. Youre only asking for heartache down the road. There is a chance it isnt his. Painted_lady For me, the joy of the act is not actually giving it, but the enjoyment your partner gets. Ever since U.S. I think, Chuck, what she meant was that no one is forcing these men to impregnate strangers. Change the subject and attack is not debate and makes you look pathetic. or if shes just done too many drugs or something and her brain is rotting away. So, hey, lets jump on him and discuss how vile he is because he didnt take measures to avoid it (and lets do so without any actual proof that he didnt wear a condom, that she wasnt on the pill, and so on). How long his new relationship has lasted. And as so many others have said dontt want a kid? Because one of the known outcomes is happening to him and hes pissed at someone else. Both agreed to cut him out entirely, up to and including child support, so that he was free of any obligation. But in some ways, youre making my point, Francine. He is not the end all and be all. There was a reason for that. It doesnt involve any weird semi-involvement; but rather a clean break for the child and a chance to build a happy, loving life with a set of great parents. And for what its worth, I highly doubt he can bear to live without you. I mean, he didnt exactly waste any time getting some other chick pregnant, did he? You have to grow up and stop this childish immature desiring for a man who keeps you hanging around. I just dont see any part of the circumstance that allows a 40 year old man who was having consensual sex to take the other issues out on his own child by refusing to have anything to do with it. Sorry for any confusion! My ex-boyfriend had apparently broken up with a girl who was a.. You had no say in the matter.. wife pays debt sex video. What a joke. No, but both partners have to accept the fact that having sex means that pregnancy might occur. You are talking as if a decision to terminate a pregnancy is as easy as taking out the garbage, as if there are no consequences to it whatsoever. But wherever youre writing from, I suspect the child support laws are strong enough that, if she goes after it, he wont have much choice. submandave Its not that bad (though Ill take an IUDs 0.6%, thanks). he was told that he could not have any children so i thought she wasnt his. Furthermore, dont tell me what to do with my body and I wont tell you what to do with yours, little girl. If a guy *does not* want to be a father, he shouldnt be having sex with women unless he knows, for sure, they have a similar attitude when it comes unintended pregnancy.. I think what you are forgetting in all of this is that a child is not a peanut. Of course life is unfair. I just found out 4 days ago that my ex got a girl pregnant. By this point I had already invested so much in the relationship that I wanted it to work regardless, but no matter how much I tried he didnt want to immediately get back together. He loves me and doesnt care about the mother but wants to be there for the child, but said he doesnt have to and wil wait for the DNA test. The dream is a signal for your quest for power. I have a feeling you are going to stay with this guy no matter what (since you would just diiiie without him). If that means not being with your boyfriend for the next 9 months to a year, then so be it (I dont think youll die without him). Or shes against abortion. But just my guess. Deadly, sure, but not highly infectious. April 9, 2012, 7:25 pm, I agree. April 9, 2012, 10:48 am. Three babies? The way I figure, he can go ahead and have unprotected sex all he wants but I still maintain its a bad idea. April 9, 2012, 11:54 am. Its a great idea, really, for someone who is unfit and probably on the verge of abuse or something else horrible. Regret can feel even worse than heartbreak. Or so so many of you all keep saying. female . reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): A I mean every word! Its none of your business. I love him so I'm willing to accept the baby. In a perfect, totally fair world, both men and women would get stuck with pregnancy and rearing of children because they both equally engage in the sex that results in the pregnancy. And do some growing up before you get involved with someone else. Its not the mans moral fault that he didnt think he would be roped into parenthood by a singular sexual encounter when he was told she was on the Pill. Im sorry, but sex creates children. feelingroovy I am not entirely sure how this applies when the kids are not the product of both people, but when it is mom, dad, junior and junette junior and junette do not always come first, always. Neither are the kids, but thats beside the point where feminism is concerned, right? April 9, 2012, 5:48 pm. But I guess I looked at it a lot like a woman adopting a baby alone would. He says he told her hes not happy about this pregnancy and didnt want a baby and asked her to abort as he was 40 years old. Since you obviously cant formulate a cogent argument on the merit of these laws in response to my questions (as it doesnt interest you), I wonder why you keep going out of your way to engage this conversation. Addie Pray It hurts me that he will have to go through his first child experience with someone else while I watch. Really? Men AND women both have decided, well after-the-fact, that no babies is better than having babies. Even if she was on birth control. If youre going to call anyone a slut, Chuck (which you shouldnt, its really very rude) why not the dude who slept with someone he cant stand and got her pregnant? Might he have continued sleeping with her? It is possible to get pregnant on the pill if you dont take it at the same time everyday, so maybe use backup protection if youre fucking someone you dont know? There is a certain degree of sadness in all of this, yes, but Ive turned out far better than my friends whose fathers have been unable to make up their minds one way or another about parenthood. April 10, 2012, 6:34 pm. And not surprisingly, the name callers are all female. So, really, I guess I disagree with the majority of the comments here. April 9, 2012, 5:08 pm. So people got together, decided coke is in the best position to pay if its bottles explode and there you are.