Someone once told me something very interesting. People can sometimes wind up in very tricky situations with complex emotions, and it can be very hard to determine how exactly to react. I wish I knew what to do and in the meantime turn off my emotions.HHELP!!!! My husband works out of town and I found out he had been having an affair. Hi Jodi, thank you for sharing your story. The simple association with it is enough to spark a persons dislike. I feel like me and my kids mother were meant to be and she makes me feel wanted and loved and I cant control the way I feel about her . I love my husband dearly and have fought to keep my marriage for 9 years. I couldnt take it anymore and one night me and this other girl left a bar together and ripped the bandaid off. If you think your love is true, give it sometime because it is better to live together then go away. A therapist can be a great ally for understanding your own and others' emotions in relationships. He's interested in your love life. He has come home two separate times and returned within days because he misses her. How do I get through this? We are happy but I still have those feelings for the other person. Hi Ro, thank you for sharing your story. Its my downfall to try to take care of everyone and make sure everyone is happy. Yelling at me calling me names in front of them. One of the people I worked with recently who came to me with a question about this type of situation wrote. I have very low self esteem. I feel as now we are acting like roommates and not husband and wife. Now Im left with a decision of leaving my 20 year marriage knowing Im not in love with my husband or trying to sort it out but a bit pessimistic about it working. He works out of town and I feed the dogs if our daughter is unable to, I run errands for him while hes on storm work bc I am still legally his wife. Still, the posts are very short for starters. Marriage makes you one with your spouse. You're honest with them about your marital problems It's rather difficult keeping your marital problems secret since there will be times when you're going to need a fresh perspective on things. An easy way to guard against this or restore the bond between you is to learn to identify and speak your spouses love language. I need physical touch, words of affirmation, and my Husband is the complete opposite. Only you can make that decision. I feel depressed, alone and stuck like a prisoner in this marriage. You can influence, direct and control your own environment. You are not maintaining romantic relationships with both people, and your SO should understand this. Theyre just our psychological responses to the events that are taking place around us. The complexities of love can feel very paralyzing, especially when multiple people are involved, so I understand that you feel like you dont know which direction to take. So we never really considered dating each other. I am attached to a person i cant have (coz she is also married) and i am not left with any emotions for a person i have. In many cases, people have already checked out of their marriages and if this is you, it is very important that you recognize this. What were the elements that were missing, what were the problem areas, and how were you and your spouse handling them? But i fell in love with this guy. But it involves a lot of individual therapy and anti depressants. We rarely have sex (sometimes less than once a year) and arent that affectionate it feels like im living g with a friend. But you really have 4 important choices to consider when you're married. Movies. Your joy has and always will be IN YOU. Pls help me on hoe best to hanle this situation, thanks so much. When I saw you laugh, it took every ounce of me. You want to be able to give a good example to what a healthy relationship looks like. In the beginning of what now is an affair, I tried to talk to my husband about my needs because I thought he deserves a chance to succeed but Im always met with some reason why I shouldnt feel that way. I also dont want to lose my husband and I cant have them both. That way, we can ask you targetted questions that can help you define the right steps to take. I thought we would be married, but one day i woke up and decided i just couldnt do it anymore. He has never loved any woman in his heart apart from me. This all is part of proper communication with your husband or wife and mastering this tool will bear its fruit in the long run. I want to fall back in love. I am in love with another man while married to someone else and he is also married. I was wondering if he too thinks about me as much as I think about him because he broke it off for the sake of his marriage. Wishing you all the best. This is what it puts them in a very confusing situation, and perhaps this is exactly what you are dealing with today. The best thing would be to limit the amount of contact you have with your childs father. We are very happy to have you with us. My family adores him and his family adores me. So I often dont say anything. And doesnt like my suggestions, it makes him feel uncomfortable. My husband and I have been married for about 2 years and have a daughter together and I have helped raise his son since infancy. Please dont hesitate to reach out to us for one on one coaching if you would like our help. And can I forgive her? Whats more, we all fool ourselves from time to time in order to keep our thoughts and beliefs consistent with what we have already done or decided. You are currently in an abusive relationship and there is help available. Your relationship was rocked by infidelity, but you put in the work to, Is your man dragging his feet when it comes to popping the question? I moved my children to Florida with their grandparents and told him I was done with the relationship that he needed to figure out what he wanted to do. Hi Sam, I am sorry to hear that youre struggling with such a difficult situation right now. Take this quick quiz to see if you can save your relationship, or more importantly, if you should Take this quick quiz to find out where you stand 2019 Happily Committed, LLC. You are the only one who can make the right decision for yourself, but please dont hesitate to reach out if you would like some exercises in clarifying what your heart truly wants. The sex part I tried, but it feels like I walked upon a wall and were not getting anywhere, so I stopped talking about that. This period is temporary! Ive been married for 3 years but weve been together for 9 year. It went awful, he went full on panic and defensive mode, and I just didnt know what to say anymore. Once again, its all about seeking clarity! There are many complexities involved so I would recommend reaching out to us for coaching. We talked and he expressed his needs and I have changed everything that he has asked to show my devotion to our marriage. In order to become a good listener, you have to really care about what your partner is saying. between these two men would be to analyze your marriage and ask yourself what the I dont talk to the guy i met online coz i dont want it to be used against me. " She Walks in Beauty " by George Gordon Byron. I know things can be diifuclt but we are here to help. I keel comparing him to my husband nd that has made me realise all the things i dont like about my husband but i have been trying to overlook it. So when Im feeling bad I often feel alone, I cant really talk about it with him. My marriage has its problems, but overall, my husband is wonderful. But my roomate made me feel loved, wanted and needed in less time than the 5 years of being with my husband. He didnt push me or force me into anything and it felt so Surreal that I questioned everything. I always thought about him, found myself checking on him via FB, and always still loved him and wondered what if. Recently my Ex reached out to me, letting me know he still cared for me, wanted to apologize for the past. Speak to each other about the good things, reinforce them, make exciting plans and commit to exciting adventures. Hes 62 years of age and has had emotional affairs, Recently, he has fallen in love with a psychotherapist from England. Yet I cant divorce my husband due to social stigma and potential effect on the children for not being with their biological dad. Just want to say thank your for reading. Hi Kim, Thank you for sharing your story. She sais she loves me, but she cant decide what to do, because the love for him is also strong or so she thinks. You held me when i was down. My husband has had many affairs on me and after things went south I realized I was not making him a priority due to the hurt I felt from the affairs and I started to close off. I dont know what to do anymore. He shut me off and out at once: I am married and wife of his client. I had a good friend(married) for last 7 years and everything was perfect in life. Please dont hesitate to reach out to us for one on one coaching by clicking here. My spouse is still abusive emotionally and mentally. It can be a challenging period, but if you take some time for yourself to heal and find clarity, you will find that this becomes easier. I dont feel like we explored each others interests enough. After telling people we were separated, a dear friend admitted his feelings for me and he is amazing, I have a lot of love for him but I never had an affair. O my luve's like a red, red rose . As if you never wanted to let go. He spends more time on his phone and computer than with us. It doesnt have to be grandiose gestures it can be simple actions that show them how much you care and that theyre on your mind. Last week, she decided to leave me, only to already regret it after one night we spent in separate bedrooms and ask for a little more time Also to add, i never had any abusive relation with my wife, we still have very good time, laugh and care for each other, just that i have lost interest in physical relation with her. You can start to feel neglected or unfulfilled by your relationship, so you begin to look elsewhere. Over time, our love for each other grew strong and we have had a solid base of love and trust (or so i thought). Thank you so much for your advice. I am in love with another man while married to someone else and he is also married. I want this co-workers attention and I get it, so I feel guilty. There were no major problems with my marriage and between us we have 5 children and 10 grandchildren that are my greatest joy. A simple example of this is eating whatever you feel like eating right now because it tastes good, without thinking of the consequences it will have on your health later on. jenice your poem hit home really hard for me,for i am in this very same situation at this moment,very beautiful Elizabeth The good news here is that they can be changed. What if you choose to cut ties with the person you fell in love with and return to your spouse could you repair the damage? He lives far away but I have never felt closer. Yes, but sixteen-years of being more of a roommate than a spouse has serious consequences to the relationship. My husband, Joseph, and I have been married for almost eight years and we have always been very close. The more you can associate your marriage with the feelings of excitement, the less attracted you will be to your childhood boyfriend. He constantly makes me feel like Im not a priority. On top of that, a therapist or counselor can help you improve your overall well-being and help empower you to live the life you want. Hi NMN, sometimes this sort of thing happens when there is a sense of monotony and predictability in a relationship, and youre craving something that feels fresh. My husband made me feel undeserved. My husband and I have been married 17 years and I feel that I dont deserve him. Dear Happily Committed. So even when things are rough and youre in a sticky situation because youremarried but in love with another manor woman, if you really want to repair things between you and your spouse youve got to control your temper. not to fall in love. If things start to feel boring and lackluster, it becomes easy to crave outside attention. The key tosaving a marriageafter something like this happens, is to pinpoint where exactly the disconnect came from. His father just passed away and he is broken. I tried to find reasons to meet this man again and again and I did found but I became totally dependent on him to be happy. It seemed timing was always off but I always had the what if idea in the back of my head. I cant help it or Its not my fault are things that I hear on a regular basis. He is in every sense my best friend because we do everything together, well we did until his GF. I have been married for 25 years to my best friend. I reconnected with an old friend and I have fallen in love with him. issue within your relationship that needs to be addressed. Im scared of what my family will react, my family includes our children, my brother and sister and the rest of my moms brothers and sisters. Incidentally, hes also married. My issue is this: I love my husband, Im not ready to give up his friend ship, or him as a person just as a lover. And this guy asked if i still love the hubby. I am afraid that I am vulnerable to someone that would give me what is missing in our relationship. It was never his fault. Two years ago he got in trouble and needed deperately my help. I will tell you right off the bat that I cannot make this decision for you. He listened to me. We had our kids at a young age and broke up a year after having them, they are now 20 years old.. I like to be pampered nd he doesnt have time to pamper me, we dont go out for clubbing and thats one of the activities i like to do for fun, he doesnt allow me to put on the kind of clothes i like, we actually do not agree in so many things i feel like he tried so much to change who i am in the past nd that makes me to kinda hide my true personality from him.